1. Have you ever had a manicure? No? Well here's my discount manicure kit, and all manicures I give with it come with a lifetime guarantee, you'll never need another!

2. OK, for this trick the gloves come off. What's that, you're not wearing gloves? No problem, we can make do...

3. Now I would like to demonstrate my "kitchen magician", it slices and dices, it makes Julian fries, and all I need is a vegetable... How about you sir, you look close enough!

4. There's an old Zen Budhist koan that asks "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" Well, I've decided to conduct a little experiment to find out...

5. Here we have my new cure for sweaty palms...

6. Vegas has a lot of one-armed bandits, and after I performed this at the prison there last week they have a few more...

7. Would you like my psychic Aunt Grizelda to read your palm? Well unfortunately she's in a retirement community in Florida right now, but with a Fed Ex overnight envelope and this little device, I think I can have some answers for you by noon tomorrow...

8. Doing a little burglarly but worried about those troublesome fingerprints? No problem, I have a solution right here...

Ah, that's all I can think of for now. All original (in the last ten minutes, even), so please feel free to use 'em if you want.

1.are you right handed or left handed? right? ok we better use your left hand.

2. before putting their hand in, ask them to put their hand up high in the air. "let the blood rush down first".

3. once they put their (lets say left) hand in the chopper, tell them to hold on to their left hand with their right hand from the other side "incase something goes wrong".

"I'm sorry did you say your name was Marie Antoinette?"